Mother's Day, OHSHC Style
by Envious Yet
Summary: It's Mother's Day and Tamaki decides to do something for an unsuspecting Kyouya. What are his thoughts on this particular new  tradition? No pairngs. Rated for Kyouya's language. Slight twincest if you squint hard.


**A/N: **_Ah, my dear readers. This is my first story, and (surprisingly) it is not an FMA. However, my wonderful (and psychotic ((I'm saying that because she's going to read this, therefore, I must find some way to insult her))) sister gave me such a funny idea, I just couldn't help myself. I mean, I'm sure someone has done something just like this: a Mother's Day fic just for Kyouya, but I really just had to. Anyways, my sister gave me some major inspiration by being her funny (if sarcastic) self, and I love her for it. If she had not, well, then I would have never even had the idea. Also: I do not own OHSHC. If I did... well just be thankful that I don't. Read and review, lovelies!_

**Mother's Day, Ouran Host Club Style**

Kyouya opened the door to the host club, and everyone was already there. ' _Something is wrong'_. Kyouya saw everything decked out in pink. '_Very wrong_. _The flowers, however, are normal_.' Then Tamaki spotted him. '_Dear god, help me'_.

"Kyouya!" '_Yeah. That's Tamaki alright. Why is he in a suit? With a mustache? …Mustache? This is new.'_

"What is going on?" Kyouya asked calmly as he was spun into a chair. Kyouya found himself in a pink apron, on a couch, with Haruhi on his lap. '_How does he do that?_'

Everyone else gathered in front of him.

"Happy Mother's Day, Kyouya!" With confetti. '_How the hell did they get confetti? Who authorized this? Wait… Mother's day? Oh… now this makes sense._'

"Ah. I see." Kyouya intoned. Haruhi looked at him from her position on his lap.

"Sorry about this Kyouya-senpai. They forced me." She said. Kyouya took inventory. Haruhi was wearing a frilly dress with many bows and strangely, holding Tamaki's teddy bear. '_Stupid thing. Hadn't Huni killed it already?'_

The twins were dressed in matching little boy sailor outfits, lapels and all. Mori was also, strangely enough, in a suit. The tall man stepped forwards and placed Huni on the part of Kyouya's lap that wasn't already taken. Kyouya growled deep inside of his mind.

"Tamaki… what is the meaning of all this?" Kyouya asked monotonously.

"Why it's mother's day of course! My lovely wife!" Tamaki shouted with glee. Kyouya growled again.

"You do realize I am not actually a woman. Nor am I married to you." Kyouya turned his infamous 'Devil's Glare' ('_That'll be 8,000 yens for saying it! I'm telling you it's patented!')_ onto the twins, "Why did you agree to this?"

They sniggered, "To torture you, of course. Plus boss wanted us to." A vein started throbbing in Kyouya's head, giving Hikaru and Kaoru their cue to leave and go do something incestuous.

Tamaki sat down next to the pink-apron-ed Kyouya, still beaming.

"Oh, my lovely wife! Do you not just love this special day for all of you hard working wives out there! A mother," Tamaki continued dramatically. Kyouya reverted to the deepest, most emo part of his mind he could find to block him out, "Is the most… blah… blah… blah." Kyouya had officially zoned out.

Then Huni tugged on his sleeve and stared up into the devilish violet eyes, "Kyouya-mommy-senpai, can I have some cake? Can you bake it?" Kyouya felt the emoness in his mind fading slowly. It was painful and he tried his darndest to hold onto it. '_Oh no. They're giving me puppy dog eyes. Crap.'_

"Why in the world would I be able to make cake? I _am_ a man, as you have so suddenly decided to forget." He said this while contemplating if he could convince the police force that their deaths were necessary. '_Probably.'_

Haruhi winced knowingly, then got up off of his lap. _'Thank god.'_, "Well Kyouya-senpai, while I am truly sorry to leave you like this (_'Fuck she's not actually going to leave me here with these people!'_), I really do have to go. It is Mother's Day, I must pay my respects." And with that the little devil escaped… ahem… left. Tamaki beamed after her, and then turned towards his 'wife'. Kyouya felt himself grow older. Slowly.

"Hikaru! Kaoru! Bring the presents!" Tamaki shouted. _'Oh no. Presents? Shit. This. Is. Very. Bad.'_ Oh yes, Kyoya had seen the sympathetic look Mori was giving him under the layers of an uncaring façade. Oh yes… Kyouya saw it. And he took heed of it. And he wished for death to come quickly.

Hikaru and Kaoru entered again, beaming with mischievous and holding two brightly wrapped gifts. _'Crap. The presents are big. How much did these cost? And are they going to blow up? Does Tamaki have any idea how much it'll cost me if they do?'_

Huni jumped off his lap _('Finally!')_ and helped the two with the presents. They were placed on a table in front of him. Kyouya eyed them warily. Tamaki decided to 'help' him open them.

Three seconds later the presents were out. _'How did he do that so quickly? And what is that? Oh my god… please tell me that's not-'_

"Is that a heart shaped box? With the words 'I love my mom?' on it?" Kyouya felt himself loose more years off his life. Slowly, painfully. '_Damn._'

Tamaki beamed. Kyouya felt scared. "Why yes! And that's only the first present!" And with that Tamaki opened up the next one in a matter of seconds _('Again, is he magic or something? Hm… it's worth looking into…')_ and presented it to him. Kyouya felt bile rise in his throat. He had a rather difficult time swallowing it down.

"That's a picture." He deadpanned. Tamaki nodded enthusiastically while Mori gave the slightest of winces. "Of me." Tamaki continued to nod and beam. Kyouya's mind grew even less emo. It hurt like a bitch. "With you." Tamaki proceeded to nod and smile. Kyouya swallowed down more bile. "That says 'Father and Mother' on the bottom." Tamaki beamed and nodded. Kyouya face-palmed several thousand times in his head, lowering his imaginary IQ significantly.

"How wonderful." He deadpanned. _'That idiot doesn't even notice my sarcasm!'_ Kyouya picked up the presents. "Thank you _so_ much for these. I'm leaving now." Kyouya left. And proceeded to collapse against the wall. He had, after all, restrained himself from killing several close friends today. That took willpower. Which leads to stress. Which leads to heart attacks and strokes. _'I won't be surprised if I have a heart attack or stroke before I'm 20. Especially if this 'Mother's Day' thing continues. Dear god, help me.' _

_**THE END**_


End file.
